Taking a turn,

I didn’t think things could go down hill so fast. Not with someone I loved so much. And the worst part is losing someone who was such an amazing friend and believing he would always be there. I guess people are right when they say dating a friend will forever change your relationship with each other. And it certainly has.

I won’t be mad or angry though. Because I know that what is meant to be will be, and that me fighting for something he doesn’t want won’t really make me happy or satisfied. I just wish I could I understand. =(

Procreation.

Had the silliest conversation at work today. In my line of work, the most frequent question asked in our office is “why do so many stupid people have children?” And today we all agreed on an answer: because it’s EASY! It’s easy to procreate. Sticking the penis into a vagina — it’s a pretty primal thing. Monkeys, lions, hamsters, THEY ALL DO IT.

The hard thing is to actually figure out you need protection and using it every time! That requires thinking, reasoning, and understanding consequences even while hormones and sexual urges are raging!

I’m not saying every single person who has had a child at an inopportune time is idiotic, just the ones that keep doing it and don’t care. Those are the ones that are ruining this country. Unless you own a farm or want to start a family football team, stop pushing out 4,5,6 kids. Especially when you don’t have the funds to support them!

 

Sure, WHY NOT?

I’m bored. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? The last person I sent a text to was my brother so the answer is no.
2. You talked to an ex today, correct? NOPE.
3. Have you taken someones virginity? Well, me and my first boyfriend were both virgins when we first had sex so I guess, kind of.
4. Is trust a big issue for you? The BIGGEST.
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yeah.
6. What are you excited for? Vacation!
7. What happened tonight? Came home from work, made dinner, plopped on my couch, and turned on my tv and computer.
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I think it’s disgusting when anyone gets REALLY wasted.
9. Is confidence cute? No, confidence is sexy.
10. What is the last beverage you had? Water.
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Two.
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Several.
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? I will be in Georgia, so anything is possible.
14. What are you going to spend money on next? Bills or gas.
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yeahh.
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I doubt it.
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My mom, she’s my best friend.
18. The last time you felt broken? About two years ago.
19. Have you had sex today? No.
20. Are you starting to realize anything? That this is making more bored than I already was…but I’M NOT A QUITTER!
21. Are you in a good mood? I’m okay..
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No, that’s okay.
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Nope.
24. What do you want right this second? A lot of things! Like to cuddle, eat pizza, and drink wine.
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I would say GOODBYE.
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Close to it..heh.
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No way, life is way too short to be so serious.
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? The old lady next door who was yelling profanities at her dog. HAHA.
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? I do.
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? No, not everyone.
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Nooooooo, I love my brother.
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yeash.
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Actually, yes I am. I don’t really like soda.
34. Listening to? Nicki Minaj
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yeah, I don’t mind it.
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? No, i’m not a stalker.
37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope, that’s for fools.
38. Who did you last call? America’s Best
39. Who was the last person you danced with? Kas, all the time.
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? I wanted to?
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? A while ago..
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No. =(
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? ALL the time.
44. Do you tan in the nude? Uh, no.
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No…………..lame ass question.
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Noppe.
47. Who was the last person to call you? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
48. Do you sing in the shower? When I have a song stuck in my head, yeah.
49. Do you dance in the car? I move my hands around, haha.
50. Ever used a bow and arrow? In high school.
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Months ago.
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Depends on the musical.
53. Is Christmas stressful? If you let it be.
54. Ever eat a pierogi? YES I HAVE.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry.
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher.
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Nope, maybe if I had an experience I would.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? YESSSSSSSS, often.
59. Take a vitamin daily? When I remember.
60. Wear slippers? Yeah.
61. Wear a bath robe? NO.
62. What do you wear to bed? Depends on the weather, whose around, and how tired I am..
63. First concert? NSYNC. heh.
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target
65. Nike or Adidas? Same shit, don’t matter to me.
66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos.
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? BOTH, together!
68. Last time you like two people at once? Last summer, but it definitely wasn’t a normal situation with both guys.
69. Ever take dance lessons? For like the first 12 years of my life.
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?  No, it is what it is.
71. Can you curl your tongue? Some what..
72. Ever won a spelling bee? Haha, NOOOOOO.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? YESSSSSSS. =)
74. What is your favorite book? It changes often.
75. Do/did you study better with or without music? With classical music
76. Regularly burn incense? No, candles.
77. Ever been in love? Yes.
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Neon Trees
79. What do you think about military men/women? Most of them are alright, but military guys can be quite douchey!
80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold.
81. Tea or coffee? Tea.
82. Favorite type of cookie? Peanut butter,
83. Can you swim well? I can swim.
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yeah..
85. Are you patient? I am pretty patient in comparison to most people.
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Bands are fun, but DJ offers a lot more variety.
87. Ever won a contest? Yeah, but rarely.
88. Ever have plastic surgery? No.
89. Which are better black or green olives? BOTH.
90. Opinions on sex before marriage? As long as it isn’t with everyone in town!
91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room, obviously.
92. Do you want to get married? SOME DAY.

A lost soul for the taking..

I was moved back to intake for a few weeks and I had a new client at work today that is 18 years old. She’s a quiet, sweet girl who just grew up in the wrong neighborhood, around the wrong people, and with the worst parents life could have handed her. She had a two year old daughter with a man who had initially beat and raped her on their second date. Her parents demanded that she stay with this man and go live with him as soon as she had the child. The circumstances were swept under the rug for too long because the girl was taken out of school and she wasn’t allowed to leave the house much. She told me that she felt like it was her fault, that this was some how her paying for going out with an older man and dressing provocatively. But, in retrospect, this is what her parents and the man had been beating into her head for the last two years. She was diagnosed with a form of stockholm syndrome, because even though she initially knew that this whole thing was wrong — overtime she began to feel it was normal and even defended the man who had done this to her. It will take years for this girl to get over the pain and psychological torture that she’s been put through.

I couldn’t help but want to try and help her with any services and programs that I could possibly get her and her child into. But, what I found is that she just really needed someone to talk to and who could listen to what she had to say. Not things that police, lawyers, and intake investigators wanted to know, but how she was really feeling. She needed someone to truly try and understand, not just pass judgement on what she had put her child through. I spent hours with her, just reassuring her that this was in no way her fault. Sexual predators get their power from being able to point the blame and making you feel like it’s what you asked for.

I shared with her an experience that happened to me in college, something that I don’t usually share with many people at all. I’m not ashamed of it, but it’s definitely made me have thick skin and caused a lot of trust issues. I got lucky. But, it’s proof that it could happen to anyone. I misjudged a guy who seemed nice, even a little shy, and ended up going to a place that wasn’t exactly safe. He took my slight flirting as permission to make sexual advancements. When I told him no, he began to call me a bitch, a whore, a slut, and every other name. He told me I wanted this and that I was being a tease. I was able to avoid serious consequences, but it was hard to believe any guy could have good intentions after that incident.

I don’t understand how men (predominately the gender of sexual predators) can be so ruthless. They take so much from a woman when they selfishly push themselves on them.  And then on top of that, i’ve actually been told by a guy I was kind of talking to that females who have been through any sort sexual assault, rape, etc were too much trouble. That they had too much baggage. Left my head SPINNING for sure. That’s still blaming the woman for being a victim. I wish, just once, that every single guy could understand how any woman that’s been put through that sort of situation feels. It should be mandatory, like shock treatment for the soulless!  It’s those events and conversations that prove to me that men and women are definitely two very different species. Built similarly but all the wires are crossed.

If I COULD…

I’d seriously marry pretty much all the people I love to watch on youtube. WANT TO LOVE SO MANY OF THEM… OR  maybe just get a really big mansion and make them live with me and entertain me/sing to me/ make out with me. Whatever.

PhilipDeFranco

JennaMarbles

courtneypants

Whatthebuck<3

RoseEllenDix

DailyGrace

DanielRedigerTV

danishay

ItsKingsleyBitch

Foreign Territory

This use to be about something. Someone. Someone who meant something. =(

Mood Booster

Been having a rough time lately, especially having no roomie and being alone so much, so i’m going to make a super positive blog and list some of the things I love!

I LOVE (in no particular order):

  • Wildwood boardwalk on a summer night ❤
  • Olive Garden peach bellinis
  • My family
  • Jonny Craig
  • My best friend
  • My FRIENDS
  • My bird Billie
  • Hot showers on a cold day
  • Jersey PIZZA (Mack and Mancos)
  • The way Walter sounds when he first wakes up =)
  • Spontaneous day trips spent driving, listening to music, and eating junk food
  • Cheesecake factory
  • Biking in the park on a cool spring morning
  • Lemon drop shots from OVT
  • When Isaac tells me he “luhs” me<3
  • Male singers with gritty, soulful voices
  • Blankets straight out of the dryer before bed
  • Cuddling on the couch
  • Country boy twang
  • Snow on a day I don’t have to go anywhere
  • Cupcakes
  • Reading a good book on the weekend
  • Getting a letter in the mail
  • Puppies
  • Being a Jersey girl
  • WAWA
  • Pork roll, egg, and cheese sammie morning, noon, or night
  • Whenever the eagles beat the cowboys 😉
  • Nutella on….anything
  • Finding The Breakfast Club unexpectedly on tv
  • Fruit smoothies
  • When my family gets together
  • Fourwheeling at the farm
  • Seeing the bitchy girls from high school serve me food at a local restaurants
  • Zombie movies/tv shows/book
  • Pretty blue cars/trucks/motorcycles

Planning the plan.

I came home today and finally sat down and situated my schedule for the next few months. I keep absentmindedly adding things and giving people ‘Yes, I will be there” responses without actually checking to see if I can, indeed, be there or do it. For instance, I realized both my friend, Steph, and my cousin, JonMichael, are getting married on the SAME exact weekend in June. One in NJ and the other in VA. Not going to be possible at all. I feel horrible retracting my RSVP for one but I can’t go to both. =( I know both weddings will be so amazing though, so much time has gone into them. June is definitely the month for weddings this year. Three to be exact, one of which i’m not exactly thrilled to attend, but oh well.

All the birthdays. SO MANY BIRTHDAYS. Just in April alone I have seven: my sister, goddaughter (Brielle), godson(Ty), grandmother, Melissa , Dom, and my cousin. Could you people please spread your birthdays out more. Thanks. =) Can’t wait for Bri’s birthday though! I get to go to Maryland and visit Kel and Brian. I miss them so so so so so much. The bestest friends and people, Brian is such a hard worker and i’m so glad the NAVY was able to move them closer to home. Love you guys!

Then I planned things on the week in April i’m going to be on vaca. You would think i’d have those dates memorized because i’m so giddy about this vacation, UGH CAN’T WAIT.

There’s just so much to get done, especially with my car accident case stuff picking up now and having to go all over for these briefs and depositions and what not. It’s annoying that I have to go through this. It’s simple if you ask me: I didn’t have a fucked up back before the accident + I have a fucked up back after accident = ACCIDENT CAUSED FUCKED UP BACK. Just give me the money to get the surgery to fix my back and for the time I missed work and MY LIFE because you hit me and FUCKED UP MY BACK.

Phillip Phillips

I don’t know what his parents were thinking naming him that. But, besides that small tidbit, Kas and I are in love with him. He’s pretty crush worthy. Not the sexiest man in the world — but really, I wouldn’t say go away if he wanted to make out. HONEST GIRL IS HONEST.

Kicking the Bucket

I started a ‘bucket list’ a long time ago and have been keeping it in a notebook and an email, so this is a work in progress but time to make it official..

  • Visit Greece
  • Learn more sign language
  • Walk the 60 Mile Breast Cancer Walk
  • Adopt an alaskan malamute
  • Say ‘I DO’ and do that thing people should do only once
  • Design my own pair of Converse shoes
  • Go to an Eagles superbowl/playoffs game
  • Kiss a boyfriend on New Years Eve and it be genuinely romantic
  • Experience a sunrise on the west coast
  • Get married at Disney World
  • Meet Ian Somerhalder
  • Get my masters degree
  • Spend the night in an underwater hotel
  • Eat at a restaurant owned by Cat Cora
  • Be debt free
  • Try a fried pickle
  • Save an animal from a shelter
  • Be an extra in a zombie movie
  • Get a tattoo
  • See the Northern Lights in Alaska
  • Eat beignets in New Orleans
  • Fly first class
  • Go to Disney World during Christmas
  • Become my own boss
  • Let my nails grow
  • Try every flavor of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory
  • Learn how to drive a stick
  • Stay at a bed & breakfast in the mountains
  • Own a dodger blue ’69 mustang
  • Make out with Phil Defranco
  • Feel completely comfortable in a bathing suit
  • Visit Bora Bora
  • See Paul McCartney play Blackbird live
  • Meet Norman Reedus
  • Have a room dedicated to just books I love to read
  • Bungee Jump
  • See the day gay marriage is allowed in all 50 states
  • Have a chalk board wall in my house
  • Go on an unplanned trip
  • Be okay be with people watching me play the piano

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