The aftermath of a breakup.

There’s nothing like dealing with what happens after you breakup with someone you were so close with for so long. You sit and think about all the things that could have happened differently, what you could have said or not said that would have changed the outcome, and pointing blame. But, I think you come to deal with those things, and even expect them [if you’ve gone through it before].

For me, the really hard part is the loss of friends who I thought would still be there for me.  You understand going into these things that you are going to make friends with your significant others friends, but I guess you don’t think about what happens after a crappy breakup. And I have had to realize very quickly that most people don’t want to deal with choosing between who to be friends with, they don’t even want to consider the idea of trying to maintain a friendship with both. I wish I had known that so many of HIS friends, who I had grown to  like so much, would slowly stop talking to me and even deleting me off facebook.

It’s a slap in the face, honestly. Especially from people who I had been there for, through really hard times in their lives. And in an instant, they are too scared to talk to me? I don’t expect for us all to hang out together, but I did think we would still be able to converse like adults. I would never judge any of my friends who maintain a friendship with him, and some of them do.

I expect too much from grown people. I really should reevaluate that.


Maintaining this journey.

The hurt of losing someone like your mother is so immeasurable. There is no quantifying. No comparison in the world.

I cry every morning. Get my shower and put on my adult face. Because, the world is all about moving forward. There is no place or time to sit and grieve. Everyone expects that a few days off to deal with funeral arrangements is enough time. But, who decides when it’s time? Because I know that it hasn’t gotten any easier to deal with the reality of the situation. That my mother, who acted as both parents for me, will never be there to talk to me again. She will never see me get married, have children, or be there for another holiday/birthday. It’s not easy to grasp, but it’s real. So real.