Need it.






Make or become different: “a proposal to change the law”; “beginning to change from green to gold”.
The act or instance of making or becoming different.
verb.  alter – exchange – vary – shift – convert – transform
noun.  alteration – shift – variation – exchange – mutation

Taking a turn,

I didn’t think things could go down hill so fast. Not with someone I loved so much. And the worst part is losing someone who was such an amazing friend and believing he would always be there. I guess people are right when they say dating a friend will forever change your relationship with each other. And it certainly has.

I won’t be mad or angry though. Because I know that what is meant to be will be, and that me fighting for something he doesn’t want won’t really make me happy or satisfied. I just wish I could I understand. =(


Had the silliest conversation at work today. In my line of work, the most frequent question asked in our office is “why do so many stupid people have children?” And today we all agreed on an answer: because it’s EASY! It’s easy to procreate. Sticking the penis into a vagina — it’s a pretty primal thing. Monkeys, lions, hamsters, THEY ALL DO IT.

The hard thing is to actually figure out you need protection and using it every time! That requires thinking, reasoning, and understanding consequences even while hormones and sexual urges are raging!

I’m not saying every single person who has had a child at an inopportune time is idiotic, just the ones that keep doing it and don’t care. Those are the ones that are ruining this country. Unless you own a farm or want to start a family football team, stop pushing out 4,5,6 kids. Especially when you don’t have the funds to support them!


Sure, WHY NOT?


1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? The last person I sent a text to was my brother so the answer is no.
2. You talked to an ex today, correct? NOPE.
3. Have you taken someones virginity? Well, me and my first boyfriend were both virgins when we first had sex so I guess, kind of.
4. Is trust a big issue for you? The BIGGEST.
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yeah.
6. What are you excited for? Vacation!
7. What happened tonight? Came home from work, made dinner, plopped on my couch, and turned on my tv and computer.
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I think it’s disgusting when anyone gets REALLY wasted.
9. Is confidence cute? No, confidence is sexy.
10. What is the last beverage you had? Water.
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Two.
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Several.
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? I will be in Georgia, so anything is possible.
14. What are you going to spend money on next? Bills or gas.
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yeahh.
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I doubt it.
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My mom, she’s my best friend.
18. The last time you felt broken? About two years ago.
19. Have you had sex today? No.
20. Are you starting to realize anything? That this is making more bored than I already was…but I’M NOT A QUITTER!
21. Are you in a good mood? I’m okay..
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No, that’s okay.
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Nope.
24. What do you want right this second? A lot of things! Like to cuddle, eat pizza, and drink wine.
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I would say GOODBYE.
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Close to it..heh.
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No way, life is way too short to be so serious.
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? The old lady next door who was yelling profanities at her dog. HAHA.
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? I do.
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? No, not everyone.
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Nooooooo, I love my brother.
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yeash.
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Actually, yes I am. I don’t really like soda.
34. Listening to? Nicki Minaj
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yeah, I don’t mind it.
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? No, i’m not a stalker.
37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope, that’s for fools.
38. Who did you last call? America’s Best
39. Who was the last person you danced with? Kas, all the time.
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? I wanted to?
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? A while ago..
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No. =(
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? ALL the time.
44. Do you tan in the nude? Uh, no.
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No…………..lame ass question.
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Noppe.
47. Who was the last person to call you? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
48. Do you sing in the shower? When I have a song stuck in my head, yeah.
49. Do you dance in the car? I move my hands around, haha.
50. Ever used a bow and arrow? In high school.
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Months ago.
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Depends on the musical.
53. Is Christmas stressful? If you let it be.
54. Ever eat a pierogi? YES I HAVE.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry.
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher.
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Nope, maybe if I had an experience I would.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? YESSSSSSSS, often.
59. Take a vitamin daily? When I remember.
60. Wear slippers? Yeah.
61. Wear a bath robe? NO.
62. What do you wear to bed? Depends on the weather, whose around, and how tired I am..
63. First concert? NSYNC. heh.
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target
65. Nike or Adidas? Same shit, don’t matter to me.
66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos.
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? BOTH, together!
68. Last time you like two people at once? Last summer, but it definitely wasn’t a normal situation with both guys.
69. Ever take dance lessons? For like the first 12 years of my life.
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?  No, it is what it is.
71. Can you curl your tongue? Some what..
72. Ever won a spelling bee? Haha, NOOOOOO.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? YESSSSSSS. =)
74. What is your favorite book? It changes often.
75. Do/did you study better with or without music? With classical music
76. Regularly burn incense? No, candles.
77. Ever been in love? Yes.
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Neon Trees
79. What do you think about military men/women? Most of them are alright, but military guys can be quite douchey!
80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold.
81. Tea or coffee? Tea.
82. Favorite type of cookie? Peanut butter,
83. Can you swim well? I can swim.
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yeah..
85. Are you patient? I am pretty patient in comparison to most people.
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Bands are fun, but DJ offers a lot more variety.
87. Ever won a contest? Yeah, but rarely.
88. Ever have plastic surgery? No.
89. Which are better black or green olives? BOTH.
90. Opinions on sex before marriage? As long as it isn’t with everyone in town!
91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room, obviously.
92. Do you want to get married? SOME DAY.

A lost soul for the taking..

I was moved back to intake for a few weeks and I had a new client at work today that is 18 years old. She’s a quiet, sweet girl who just grew up in the wrong neighborhood, around the wrong people, and with the worst parents life could have handed her. She had a two year old daughter with a man who had initially beat and raped her on their second date. Her parents demanded that she stay with this man and go live with him as soon as she had the child. The circumstances were swept under the rug for too long because the girl was taken out of school and she wasn’t allowed to leave the house much. She told me that she felt like it was her fault, that this was some how her paying for going out with an older man and dressing provocatively. But, in retrospect, this is what her parents and the man had been beating into her head for the last two years. She was diagnosed with a form of stockholm syndrome, because even though she initially knew that this whole thing was wrong — overtime she began to feel it was normal and even defended the man who had done this to her. It will take years for this girl to get over the pain and psychological torture that she’s been put through.

I couldn’t help but want to try and help her with any services and programs that I could possibly get her and her child into. But, what I found is that she just really needed someone to talk to and who could listen to what she had to say. Not things that police, lawyers, and intake investigators wanted to know, but how she was really feeling. She needed someone to truly try and understand, not just pass judgement on what she had put her child through. I spent hours with her, just reassuring her that this was in no way her fault. Sexual predators get their power from being able to point the blame and making you feel like it’s what you asked for.

I shared with her an experience that happened to me in college, something that I don’t usually share with many people at all. I’m not ashamed of it, but it’s definitely made me have thick skin and caused a lot of trust issues. I got lucky. But, it’s proof that it could happen to anyone. I misjudged a guy who seemed nice, even a little shy, and ended up going to a place that wasn’t exactly safe. He took my slight flirting as permission to make sexual advancements. When I told him no, he began to call me a bitch, a whore, a slut, and every other name. He told me I wanted this and that I was being a tease. I was able to avoid serious consequences, but it was hard to believe any guy could have good intentions after that incident.

I don’t understand how men (predominately the gender of sexual predators) can be so ruthless. They take so much from a woman when they selfishly push themselves on them.  And then on top of that, i’ve actually been told by a guy I was kind of talking to that females who have been through any sort sexual assault, rape, etc were too much trouble. That they had too much baggage. Left my head SPINNING for sure. That’s still blaming the woman for being a victim. I wish, just once, that every single guy could understand how any woman that’s been put through that sort of situation feels. It should be mandatory, like shock treatment for the soulless!  It’s those events and conversations that prove to me that men and women are definitely two very different species. Built similarly but all the wires are crossed.